Organic lollypop

Elizabeth and I had quite an adventurous city day today - Crissy Field to Pier 39 and back. We snacked at Fort Mason and watched lots of tourist bicyclists (leaving us pretty sparse on snacks for the rest of the morning), saw old ships, used the restroom and got passport stamps at the VC for the National Maritime Historic Park, waved and said hi to lots of NPS Park Rangers along the way, watched the breadmakers at Boudoin Sourdough make some rolls through the big window, used a fire hose connector along the dock to play ship, rode a carousel that made us super dizzy up top, "arrp, arrp!"ed back at the sea lions, dropped and recovered Cookie Monster from the sidewalk at Fisherman's Wharf, passed by Ghirardelli Square without stopping (twice!) - all from THE running stroller (note: Elizabeth did not ride in the stroller the whole time, there was a lot of pushing assistance going on....). The run back to the Warming Hut, a store and cafe just under the Golden Gate bridge towards the far western part of Crissy Field, which was dead into the wind, was definitely hard for both of us two hungry adventurers to reach for a late lunch....but it was worth it to watch Elizabeth enjoy her motivational apple flavored lollypop that she had asked for before we started on the way back, which I was happy to reward after very little whining on both of our parts to get there. Good thing it was organic...:)

Happiness is... "a happy cry"

During my goodbye party from SAMO, after my co-workers had all said a bunch of nice things to me, I wanted to say my thanks to everyone, too. So there I was, on the spot, but feeling perfectly at home in that little education room at Rancho Sierra Vista, surrounded by such wonderful people and knowing it would be impossible to tell them how much I respected them, learned so much from them and felt so lucky to have been a Ranger with them. Of course, all of the nice things they had said had made me tear up - - and once I got to talking, the tears really started to flow. Not that anyone there that knows me well was very surprised - it doesn't take much to turn the water works on. :) But, as I was ignoring the tears and trying to say something that made any sense, I was holding Elizabeth up on my hip. She was looking at everyone else around the room to begin. But, then she heard my voice crack a bit, turned to me.... and did a double take. Her eyes got wide. "Mommy???", she said, totally confused and concerned, and put a hand to my cheek. She was not used to seeing her Mommy cry - I always saved it for when she couldn't see. At this, I had to pause from what I was saying to everyone else. I said to her all that I could think of in the moment. I was honest. "Don't worry, sweetie. I am ok. It is a happy cry." And then she smiled, as if she totally understood, and then I smiled back through glistening, yet reassuring eyes - a very private moment of shared understanding (even though it was witnessed by at least 35 others!). 

So, now when I do have a little cry well up from time to time because of something that has touched my heart, I don't try to hide it. I tell Elizabeth it is a "happy cry" and we look at each other and giggle and hug.

Today I had a happy cry. It was while we were reading a book before school. Elizabeth had an accident that morning, so rather than sitting on her stripped bed, we put some blankets on the floor and read in a big fluffy heap together for about 45 minutes. She picked lots of books, but one that we read was a book that I sought out due to a recommendation from Cocoa, the HACNS preschool director. She told me about Mem Fox in one of our first conversations at the playground, so I found a book she had written called "Wilfred Gordon McDonald Partridge" on Amazon. It had gotten stashed with a few other books while we were unpacking and we hadn't had a chance to read it yet. Elizabeth found it and I'm glad she did. Definitely a happy cry kind of a book - right up there with "Someday", "On The Night You We Born" and most definitely "Love You Forever". If you know any of those books, you know what I mean! Happy cry every time!!

Rainy day lunch time

This picture is of Elizabeth on one of her first days at her new preschool, the Haight-Ashbury Community Nursery School (HACNS):

 

which happened to be a rainy one in December. It was finally raining again today - something that the entire state of CA needs. Not that it was raining much (or raining men for that matter....at least on our street!) but the foggy cloud that made it over Mt. Castro today managed to provide some mist and drizzle most of the morning. Something to be happy about in and of itself! It actually feels a little wintery and I miss the rain. John and I used to run out into the rain when it happened in SoCal and dance in it a bit, it happened so rarely and we both missed it so much!

When it rains here, Elizabeth's preschool asks the parents to pick up their kids 1/2 hour early. Since it was a bit of a question mark to me as to whether or not it qualified as a rain day, I decided to head over early just in case. As I stepped out the door and into a cloud, I heard a familiar sing-song chant darting through the damp air by the kids and parents, which normally occurs at precisely that time of day. "Wash your hands for lunch time!!" bellowed up from the Grattan playground where HACNS lives, which told me that it wasn't a rain day afterall - things were right on schedule. But, I walked over anyway.

When I walked in the door, I got to watch Elizabeth for a few minutes without my presence being realized, which is a rare treat. She was sitting nicely next to her teacher, the Director extraordinaire of her preschool, Cocoa, with about 6 other kids at her table all enjoying a meal together. The parents working that day were performing their lunchtime duties with ease (which I still need to learn how to do myself on my work days!). I watched her smiling and talking with her blonde braid bopping in unison with her hands, which she uses so often to emphasize her words. If only she knew how clearly she spoke (and always has) and how powerful her musical voice is by itself.

In what seemed like an instant, the spell was broken and I was spotted. But, that is always a wonderful thing, too, to be snapped back to reality by a little person yelling so happily across a room, "MOMMY!!! Yay! Come eat with me!!". So, I then got to spend a few minutes sitting on the floor next to Elizabeth, sharing a ham sandwich, and hearing about her morning. Only to be interrupted by Anna Maria and Anna Etsu on my left cajoling me that they can't tell me their secrets about Anna Maria's avocado and egg sandwich. And my trying to convince Haley that my face was blue - and then green. And then laughing while Sadie followed Elizabeth's lead and they both were turning their noses purple with Elizabeth's blackberries. And then making car honking noises when they all wanted to squeeze my nose (??). I could sense Elizabeth's relaxation with me being there and I soaked in the moment of shared silliness that I know only developing relationships with her classmates by working at the co-op provides.

I worried on my walk over that going early might make tomorrow tougher. I like to think telling Elizabeth when I leave in the morning that I will pick her up after lunch, and sticking to a routine, just like I do everyday, helps her with any sadness she shares with me when I drop her off and she asks me to stay. Granted, this new school is only for three hours, versus ten hours per day at her past schools, so it really is a drastic change from saying goodbye in the morning (and the guilt that ensued for me when I couldn't stay "just a little longer?") just a few months ago. I used to drive around to the front of her old building and we would yell goodbye to each other through the preschool window, holding up traffic on many occasions, to exchange one last "I love you!" or catch a kiss. We will find out tomorrow if my lunch visit is now expected as a part of the routine (?)...but it does put things in a little more perspective. Even just being able to ask that question is a nice reminder that I get to be a part of her lunch at least once a week and how fortunate I feel for our family being welcomed into this co-op preschool.

Post-nap snuggle bug

I like to call Elizabeth my "Bug", which is short for lots of nicknames I have for her. It isn't a secret that I like bugs, so it probably isn't a surprise that I would attach my entomological whimsy to my little girl somehow through a term of endearment. Lady Lizzie Bug, Betsy Bug, Eliza bug-a-boo are all common variations...but today a moment that I really enjoyed is one that I only used to be able to enjoy on the weekends...with my "snuggle bug". Now that I am home it is something I get to participate in almost every day and it is one of my favorite parts of the day. When Elizabeth wakes up from her nap, it is like an ingrained mission that she must find me - - immediately. She pops out of bed and comes running with searching look but also a giant grin on her face when we make eye contact. We have an enormous embrace, the kind that is full body and only a three year old can give (although I am hoping it extends to at least four?), I say  "Hellllllooooo Elizabeth! I am so happy to see you!! How was your nap?!" in a quiet voice, and without a word, she will snuggle up against me and just breathe. Sometimes eyes open. Sometimes eyes shut. But just relaxed and happy. And it makes me so happy, too, to just simply hold her right back. It usually only lasts a few minutes until she realizes that she doesn't have to nap or be still and something pops into her mind that jolts her into "Busy Lizzie Bee" mode, but those few minutes are awesome time spent together to transition to the rest of our day. Thanks for a good long snuggle bug moment today in the afternoon sunshine, Elizabeth!

Happy Day: About this Blog

I'm calling my blog "Happy Day" after the first two words my daughter Elizabeth put together in a phrase not long after she turned one year old. It is something that became a bit of a motto in her day care and has stuck with me as a family and personal motto  - - that amidst all of the crazy, sad, ugly or frustrating things that happen in life, there is always something that happens every day that inevitably makes you happy. Big or small. So why not enjoy, focus on and remember those moments? I am a big believer in the power of positivity. It has helped me through everything so far.

I just became a stay-at-home mom after a decade of public servitude, loving my jobs as a Park Ranger, Wildlife Biologist, Natural Hazards Planner and Marine GIS Analyst. My favorite job, by far, of course, for the past three years has been as a mom. Due to our move to San Francisco for my husband's job, I am now blessed to get to do it full time, even if just for a little while. There have been days so far when I have been really hard on myself about what I have "accomplished" that day compared to my normal work day ("I can't even get laundry done??? I used to do blah-blah-blah in this amount of time!"). In exchange for this line of thinking, it is easy to forget some of the wonderful things that did happen that day, which is maybe what it is really all about. This next step in life is bound to be the happiest, most challenging yet - and I'm determined to document it. Hopefully, it serves as a reminder how lucky I am to be right exactly where I am. And that the little accomplishments as a mom on a daily basis might not be linked to checking off your to-do list, but instead linked to the giggles, sniffles, cuddles, and living in the happy moments that just happen with a family (plus if I don't write things down these days they definitely didn't happen! My memory can be as as soupy as the San Francisco fog!).

So, here's to the start of my blog and the many happy things I'll write about. The goal is to write about one happy thing a day, even though I know there are always more. Feel free to chime in on a happy thing that happened to you today!

Happy day!